This is my second go at sending this, hope it's not going to turn up twice.


THE KIRK SOIREE
When first tae the toon I cam for tae stop
Weel I started up in business in my side-street shop
Tae the kirk every Sunday I'd gae twice as a rule
And counted the collection for the Sunday school
For my greatest ambition it was you see
To tell a wee bit story at the kirk soiree

Noo ma chance came at last, but lord preserve us
A couldnae sae a word for a felt that nervous
A thocht upon a limerick and a thocht upon a riddle
A started on a story but a stoppit in the middle
For the story I had started it was not you see
The kind you can tell at a kirk soiree

After that evening men would stop
For the finish o' ma story in my side-street shop
My business grew so rapidly and so did my renown
That soon I was elected to the council o' the town
And they made me the convenor o' the sewerage committee
For the story I had started at the kirk soiree

When I became a magistrate promotion proved my ruin
For the first time that I sat upon the bench was my undoing
For objectionable conduct I'd to try a friend o' mine
And gie him seven days without the option o' a fine
For telling tae a bobby, a staunch wee free
The story I had started at the kirk soiree

So I retired from public life a disappointed man
Wi' ma mooth a twisted telling stories in ahint ma han
Noo many years have passed since fortune gave me such a knock
But just the other evening I received an awfy shock
For the minister's flapper daughter, at her faither's jubilee
Told the story I had started at the kirk soiree