Hello Jim,

This is my version straight out of my head. It has been in my repertoire for years so it must inevitably have been subject to the folk process. Treat with care.

I have versions of 'Never let your braces dangle' 'Matilda' and 'Lavender trousers.' If you want them let me know.
I am looking for 'Timothy lets have a look at it.'
I learned these songs years ago and my kids would say something like when they were in the hit parade but I am hardened to that.

Fantum


A NATTY LITTLE PATCH BEHIND
Words and music by C. Collins and E. A. Sheppard
As recorded by Harry Champion, 1910.

1. I got a lovely pair of pants.
Talk about the posh un's that you get from France!
I couldn't match 'em.
I've had to patch 'em.
I put 'em on last Sunday night, I did, I do declare.
Ev'rybody smiled when I got riled when they all began to stare—

CHORUS 1: At me nat-nat-natty little patch behind,
Natty little, natty little patch behind.
I turned round and I said, "Good lor!
What do you want to hang around me for?"
One nice girl with her hair in curls to me was most unkind.
She cried, "Oh, Jack, I should like to have a smack on your natty little patch behind."

2. I got a pain the other day,
Went to the doctor's down our way,
Asked him to cure it.
Couldn't endure it.
He said to me, "You're very ill. You should be home in bed.
Answer me plain: Where is the pain?" I turned to him and said—

CHORUS 2: In me nat-nat-natty little patch behind,
Natty little, natty little patch behind.
I said, "Doctor, I do feel queer.
Do give me something that will please, old dear."
The doctor said as he shook his head, "The fever is unkind.
Take my advice: put a little bit of ice on your natty little patch behind."

3. I got an invitation once,
Got into a wedding like a silly dunce.
My pants I wore 'em.
Proudly I bore 'em.
"Who is the chap who is best man?" I heard some fellow blare.
Someone at the side turned round and cried, "It's that chap over there—

CHORUS 3: "With his nat-nat-natty little patch behind,
Natty little, saucy little patch behind."
I walked up to the parson quick,
Gave him the ring and then he did the trick.
We all cleared and the crowd all cheered. To me they were most kind.
That crowd so nice they all threw rice at my natty little patch behind.

4. Now I went to feed our old bull pup.
He was fast asleep so I woke him up.
Soon he was yowling,
Then started growling.
I went to pat him on the back quite friendly, so to speak.
He began to chew my how-do-ye-do when he played at hide and seek—

CHORUS 4: With my nat-nat-natty little patch behind,
Natty little, saucy little patch behind.
He clung tight and he bit me hard.
I went and shot him in the old back yard.
The poor dog died and the wife did cry. To keep his memory kind,
She made me gape when she put a bit of crepe on my natty little patch behind.