This thread will serve as my journal as I set about on a Holy Mission to save the immortal soul of Shane McBride, a young man who has fallen deeply into sin and depravity, and who is now resting in solitary confinement in the Sudbury jail, awaiting trial for bank robbery, public mischief, resisting arrest, pointing a gun, and "being a dick", to quote what I was told by one of the arresting officers.

The first day of my evangelization of Shane McBride is now over. I am exhausted! But I shall not flag nor become discouraged. The police have given me carte blanche to visit him every day and acquaint him with the Gospel. I began by reminding Shane of his spiritual responsibilities, all the while subjected to a torrent of unspeakable verbal abuse from the prisoner! I continued with selected readings from Revelations, the Psalms, and Matthew. These were greeted with open contempt and derision. The unkempt young heathen then proceeded to try to drown me out by singing endless verses of "Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall" in a loud voice and very much offkey. He followed that with some filthy song about a young women, the words of which are so dreadful and obscene that I dare not repeat them even with blanks inserted for the worst parts. Suffice it to say that certain portions of her frontal anatomy were compared to certain nether portions of a moose, and let's just leave it at that. He also pulled down his pants at one point, exposing his bare buttocks to me. I was in no wit dismayed, but continued reading loudly from the Bible and holding up a cross to remind Shane that he is in the presence of the Lord at all times and WILL be held accountable for anything he says and does.

At one point he rushed over to the bars of his cell in a frenzy, spat at me, and attempted to grab my Bible (and, I assume, tear it to pieces).

I think what may really be needed here is not a normal evangelization, but rather a full-blown exorcism! I intend to contact the Elders of our church and get their recommendations on a specialist to assist me.

I shall return tomorrow to continue saving this wretched sinner from the evils that have so clearly overtaken him. I encourage all who read this to pray by both day and night for Shane McBride, as it will greatly assist me in doing the Lord's work and bringing this child of God back into the light of Goodness and Truth.

- Joseph Blunder, Minister to the Heathen, candidate for the Parliament of Canada.