sophocleese - 'taking a friend to the doctor', who (the friend, not the doctor) is in some trouble like that is the problem, not what you do when you did it. It seems to me that it is not quite understood what kind of trouble that is.

To tell it very simply, from the victims point of view:

I am frightened. Don't try to see my knees shivering or look for cold sweat on my face: This kind of fear isn't that easy to catch. I am e.g. afraid of looking at all those people who feel better than me, i.e. who feel to be better than me and certainly this makes them better than me because if I could feel at all it would be easy to feel as good and this would make me as good and then there would be no reason of being frightened. But I can't feel anything any more and therefore there is some quite good reason for being frightened, and I also know that being afraid of dangerous things is a dangerous way of handling them, so there is also some good reason to believe that being frightened is not that stupid.

But there are you. Obviously you like me. Don't you see, that I'm not fit any more to face anything I see (except you, maybe) - i.e. that I'm not fit for anything? Or do you see something good I just can't see when I look at myself? Might there be something that makes me fit at least in your eyes? This would be enough: You have to multiply zero by an infinite quantity to make one of it, from that point of view there is no difference between one and hundred. Might there be hope? That depends on who is smarter - you or I. Is there something I can't see so you are right of standing by me? Or are you just too stupid to really realize how bad my trouble is? Is there hope or not?

And now you tell me that you don't even feel able to cope at least with the fact that I'm in trouble. Remember, the question was: Might you know some way TO OVERCOME, some way I just can't see? But now you tell me that you are much more stupid than I ever realized, how could I ever have thought you to be smarter than me? Click! Of course I (capital capital I) am right - NO hope.

And therefore I'm frightened.

Is there any inconsistency in this argumentation?

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Yes, sophocleese, I also once read such a questionnaire and I also can't find it that quickly. It sounded like "If you can answer two of the following questions with yes..." It didn't seem stupid to me, from my point of view, but I know what the problem is (at least I think so). On the other hand it was only some hint for somebody who does not know that to decide if there is a problem or not. It was no hint for what to do if so.

Thomas - if her trouble is what it seems to be YOU can help her: If you like her, 'simply' (fnarr, fnarr - but no joke intended at all) continue AND DON'T GIVE UP!!! Be extremely careful with doing anything else. If you believe in doctors, drugs or God (these are different things, I'm not with Lenin) first use them on yourself, if necessary. SHE needs some protection from everything but being considered good enough by at least one human being in this universe. And she can't do that job herself at the moment.

Another way to tell it, hope it doesn't confuse you: Don't show her that her trouble is a problem for you. It is a problem for her and she can't solve it. But in her own eyes YOU are better than SHE is. Now, if YOU fail to solve the (much smaller) problem arising for you, who is not in trouble at all... Ouch!

Love and - yes! - understanding.

Joerg