(Flips through the Wenches' Guild manual)
Let's see… here we go. And by the way, this is a slightly different version of "The Gathering of the Clans"
The chorus comes after each couplet. Now mind you, this is extremely bawdy, so it's here upon request. :)

Have ye heard the tale my friend, of the ball of Ballinore
Where your wife and my wife were doin' it on the floor
(Alternate line:
There were four and twenty pagans a-lyin' on the floor)

Chorus:
So who had ye last, lad, and who ha’ ye noo?
The man what had ye last, lassie, canna ha' ye noo!

Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness
And when the ball were over, there were four and twenty less

The village idiot he were there a-doin' this and that
Amusin' himself by abusin' himself and catchin' it in his hat

The village elders they were there but they were too old to work
So they sat in the corner and they had a circle jerk

The queen was in her chambers eating bread and honey
The king was in the chamber (pause)-maid and the maid was in the money!

Magic Merlin greased his shaft and set his balls on fire
And at the point of ecstasy could be heard throughout the shire

Did you see the psychics playin' with their crystal balls
Thrustin' with their candlesticks and bouncin' off the walls

Did ye see the Celts were there, some of them painted blue
Teachin' every English wench exactly how to screw

Well there was dancin' in the courtyard, there was dancing in the ricks
And ye couldna hear the music o'er the squishin' of the tits

Well there was dancin' in the courtyard, there was dancin' in the halls
And ye couldna hear the music o'er the clackin' of the balls

The mayor's daughter she were there and she kept the crowd in fits
A-jumpin' off the mantelpiece and landin' on her tits

And when the ball were over the opinion was expressed
That the music was exquisite (pause) but the f**king was the best!

Well it's balls to yer partner and yer arse against the wall
If ye canna get laid at the Pennsic wars, then ye canna get laid at all!

(Note: These are some of the 50-odd standard verses that everyone knows, and each Faire has its own individual verses. Feel free to make up your own verses, adding in the names of people you know, i.e.

"All the wenches at the Faire were admiring the sword of Lars
In addition to his casting skill he can make them all see stars"
for Lars, our local and much-beloved hiltsmith and Guildsmaster)

Sla/n,
Kiwi