This version my father learned in North London in the 1940s,

There was once a farmer who sat on a rock,
Stroking his wihiskers and shaking his ...
Fist at the neighbours who were picking up sticks,
And teaching their children to play with their ...
Kite strings and marbles as in days of Yore,
When along came a lady who looked like a ...
Decent young lady with legs like a duck,
Who said she was learning a new way to ...
Bring up her children and teach them to knit,
Whilst out in the stables they were shovelling up ...
What was left over from yesterday's hunt,
While the gardener was having a nice piece of ...
Celery in the garden where he doth belong,
And if you think this song dirty you're jolly well wrong.

to this tune: 3/4 g ||: ceg | ceg | efe | d-(g) | beg | beg | ded :||