Here in heaven everybody's always happy and I can't help but find that annoying. I mean, who wants to be happy ALL the time? Happiness should be a goal not a constant state of being. Happiness should be something you work for--that's why we enjoy it in the first place. When you look at people like Lindsay Lohan or Howard Hughes, you see what happens to people who expect happiness to be constant state of existence--you end up miserable and rightly so. Happiness should only belong to those motivated enough get off their duffs and make it happen instead of thinking money or fame is going to buy it for them. And you enjoy all the more knowing it's only a temporary state because you know it's going to be gone before you had a chance to really start enjoying it.

To be honest, heaven a bit like one of those of communist posters where some guy running a fruit stand is waving and smiling at some government soldier wearing a uniform and clutching an assault rifle who waves and smiles back. You only have to look at such a ludicrous image to know it sure as hell isn't really like that over there. So you can imagine what it's like walking around in a place where everybody's playing harps and wishing you a good day. Sometimes I want to yell back at them, "What the hell other kind of day can I have in heaven, you ninny?"

It's always a good day here--always sunny, always warm, always an old-fashioned baseball game in the park and always polite, laughing children playing crack-the-whip. Sometimes, I'd like to crack a whip at them and send them off scurrying. Just once, I'd like to watch the ball game get rained out with a severe electrical storm. Everybody up here reminds me of the lily-livered cowards I knew on earth who were always trying to escape to Florida because they're so tired of winter. It's a long, cold winter that makes a nice, warm summer so precious and enjoyable and besides--who wants to celebrate Christmas in 77-degree weather, for crying out loud?

Mark Twain once said, "Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company." I'll agree with him about the company part but I'll take a New England nor'easter any day over all this miserable happiness.