You're all going to Hell, you sinners! Believing that a monkey is the same as a man, that a fat Canadian is as good as an American, undermining the precious liberties upon with this country was founded! You will be carrying burning brimstone over melting sands, crying for help, and God will turn His back on you because of your sins!

I, too, once sinned! I admit it! But God forgave me and so did those in my church and now I walk in The Light! Repent, for there is still time! God will forgive after a suitable penance! Bend your knees and kneel, bow your stiff necks and pray! Reach into the treasure you have laid up on Earth and give all that you have!

You CAN still be saved!