5000-plus gigs and counting and have obviously been lucky to have have avoided some of the disasters recounted here but...

Croydon Irish Club wedding: Irish groom, Jamaican bride. I'm on first. Two verses into The Cliffs of Doneen and the general chatter tails off. Some teenagers from the Jamaican family come to the front and stand in mute disbelief. Ragged applause from the Irish contingent, some of whom join those at the front and stand with arms folded. The Galway Shawl is requested and am calculating the quickest escape route as I sing, while the two groups swell in numbers ominously.

I make pleading faces to the groom's father, who makes a helpless gesture with his hands and says OK, one more song, his wife wants A Mother's Love's A Blessing. Behind me the ten foot high reggae sound system crackles into life and accompanies the song with a throbbing hum in, appproximately, Ab, while I'm singing in in F.

Apologies & smiles all round, especially from me. 300 quid per song and back in Brighton in time to watch Match of the Day.