The Keltie Clippie by John Watt (a clippie is a bus conductress)
I have travelled roon' this countrie, from shore tae shining shore,
Frae the swamps o' Auchterderran tae the jungles o' Lochore,
But in all these far flung places there's none that can compare
Wi' the Lily o' Lumphinnans, she's ma bonnie Maggie Blair.
Oh, she's just a Kelty Clippie, she'll no tak' no advice;
It's "Ach drap deid, awa' bile yer heid, Ah'll punch yer ticket twice".
Her faither's jist a waister, her mither's on the game,
She's jist a Kelty Clippie but I love her just the same.
Frae the pyramids up in Kelty tae the mansions in Glencraig,
We've trod the bings together in mony's the blythe stravaig,
Watche the moonlight over Crosshill, trod Buckhaven's golden sand,
And mony's the happy oor we've spent in Lochgelly's Happy Land.
Well I met her on the "eight fifteen" that nicht o' romantic bliss,
I says "Hey Mag pit doon yer bag and gie's a wee bit kiss".
Well she didnae tak' that kindly, no she didnae like ma chaff,
And bein' a contrary kind o' lass she says "Come oan - get aff".
Noo she hasnae got nae culture, ach she drives me roon' the bend,
She sits every nicht in the old arm chair readin' the "People's Friend".
Her lapels is fu' o' badges frae Butlins doon at Ayr,
And she gangs tae the Bingo every nicht wi' the curlers in her hair.
But things is a wee bit better noo, ah've gone and bocht the ring;
I won it frae Jim at the Pitch and Toss last nicht at the Lindsay Bing.
Wi' her wee black hat and her ticket machine she did ma heart ensnare,
She's the Lily o' Lumphinnans, she's ma bonnie Maggie Blair.
By John Watt. As printed in "The Scottish Folksinger", collected and edited by Norman Buchan and Peter Hall, Collins, 1973, pp76-77.