To understand conservatives all you have to do is be able to believe both sides of these pairs:

Government should stay out of our personal lives. Gay people should be discriminated against and women can't have abortions.

This is the Land of the Free. Burning the US flag should be illegal.

We must live according to what it actually says in the Constitution. The United States is a Christian country.

We must revere the Constitution. The ACLU is bad.

We are a democracy where everything should get decided by the will of the people. Unlimited corporate spending on elections is good.

Don't take away my American rights. It is my right to live in a society where I don't have to put up with gay people and non-Christians.

We have freedom of religion! Muslims should be singled out for extra scrutiny.

My family came to America 200 years ago. I'm an American. People who came to this country three years ago should go home or go to prison.

Sending jobs overseas is good for business and therefore for America. People who don't have jobs are lazy freeloaders.

The government should get their regulations out of the way of corporations and big banks, since the marketplace will regulate them just fine. Barack Obama caused the recession.