AS USUAL
As recorded by The Wayfarers on "An Hour of Aussie Comedy"

I woke up with an aching head, as usual.
I can't remember going to bed, as usual.
My stomach's feeling rather queer.
It must have been that lousy beer,
For nothing in my mind is clear, as usual.

I started off with the beer and wine, as usual.
Then O.P. rum and turpentine, as usual. [=over proof
From somewhere deep inside my brain,
I seem to hear a diesel train.
I promise not to drink again, as usual.

Then I woke up in the park, as usual.
I must have crawled there after dark, as usual.
I'll check to see how much I've got
Stone the crows, I drank the lot!
I must have been a drunken sot, as usual.

I raised myself up off my back, as usual.
Oh, the memories came flooding back, as usual.
Of all the pubs we'd been in and out,
And how my best mate dodged his shout.
At ten o'clock we were both turfed out, as usual.

So then I went home to the wife, as usual.
Ooh, I knew that I'd be in some strife, as usual.
At me she then began to scream:
"Where the hell do you think you've been?"
My face turned forty shades of green, as usual.

And so I start another day, as usual.
Feeling old and tired and grey, as usual.
But suddenly I feel just fine.
It's only five minutes to opening time.
I'll start off with some cheap red wine, as usual.