Well, I guess you and Julienne could watch Fox "News" or listen to right wing talk radio - It doesn't require, or even invite, any cognitive processing. (It may tend to raise blood pressure though, so maybe not a good idea.)
Maybe listening to instrumental music?
Can either or both of you have massages? (On the non-injured body parts, of course.)
Have Dani cook you up a big mess o' southern vittles and Janie sing some blues or Gospel for you. That should help.
Really, though, Tinker, there are much safer ways to have an excellent adventure. I hope you and yours do not have another one like this anytime soon. And please keep healing, both of you.