Because all my kids were older kid adoptions, we had to deal with birth families for each of them. My youngest daughter dealt with the issue of "birth" mom and "care mom" by bringing both of them to her fourth grade class, introducing them as " most kids only have one mom who cares about them, but I have two! Pam was my first mom, and Leslie is my mom now." As far as the other kids were concerned, that settled it, and as far as I know, she never took anymore crap on that particular issue. I thought at the time that it was something quite amazing that she did, and years later, I still think so.