Just thought of this one for a jam we're doing tomorrow.
Here's the whole song:
SWEARIN' ON THE GREEN
Parody lyrics by Sonja W. Oates 2008
Tune: The Wearin' O' The Green
"O caddy dear, and did ye hear the news that's goin' round?
The F-word is forbidden to be heard upon these grounds!
That sort of language we must bleep, tho' colorful it's been
For there's a cruel rule ag'in our Swearin' on' the Green."
I met with Bagger Randy, and he took me by the hand,
And he said, "How fares your drive now, and how's yer putter stand?"
"I'm the most distressed out duffer now that ever you have seen,
For they'll fine us men and women now for Swearin' on the Green."
"So if the flag that curbs our tongues must be a cruel red
Let it remind us of the tears that golfers true have shed.
When you miss the tee and you whack up a divot of the sod
No one must hear you curse or take in vain the name of God.
Tho' my drive can stop the blades of grass from growin' as they grow
And in the trap of sand my balls are eager e'er to go,
I will try to curb my tongue a bit and keep my language clean;
But beneath my breath you know I'll stick to Swearin' on the Green."
When my time is up, 'tis on the green I pray they'll find me dead,
And before St. Peter at the Gates my case will then be pled.
If my cursin' be forgiven me before the throne of God,
Eterally I'll wow the saints with putts pure and unflawed.
But if they rule my cheats unsportsmanlike and damn my very soul
For that and way too many pints there at the 19th Hole,
Then Hell for me I'm sure will be a torment sure and mean:
Forever swingin iron sticks and Swearin' on the Green."