Long ago all the parts of the body met to decide who should be the boss. "I'm the obvious choice," said the brain. "I do all thinking." "Au contraire," said the heart. "I put the human in humanity." So it went, with each part touting its own merits: the arm its strength, the leg its mobility... Finally it was the asshole's turn, but instead of making a case it just said No! to everyone and stopped functioning. After many days the discomfort was unbearable and all agreed that the asshole could be the boss. Ever since then the assholes have always had their way.