My grandson is 13, tall, good looking and a nice kid. He had a crush on a girl at school, who told him that, while she liked him, she preferred another boy who was, as she put it, 'more bad' than Lewis. It starts early, it seems.

I grew up scared of a verbally abusive, domineering, alcoholic father and went on, for quite a long time, to choose domineering/alcoholic men as partners, men who would put me down in one way or another, as did my own father. It wasn't until I trained as a Victim Support volunteer that I started to understand the motivation behind my choices and, also, that I always ended up with partners who were not as intelligent as I am and who, looking back, had to assert control because of that. Now I am married to a man who appreciates what I bring to the relationship, doesn't feel threatened by my being bright and makes me feel that I am really loved for myself, not for what a man wants me to be.

I agree with Eliza - therapy and self-knowledge are the only hope for women (or men) in these situations. Other wise you just keep on with what you see as the norm, what you have been conditioned to expect.