Amos remarked (back in 2012) on the bravery of such people, who have the courage to face up to not just the physical and emotional, but also social barriers again and again (it doesn't happen overnight, it's not a brief upheaval and then sorted), to claim their true place. This is indeed bravery of the highest order, and it was considering this that caused me to write the song below almost 10 years ago. The pay-back came 5-6 years later when I was contacted by a transgender person who wanted to know how I knew so much about what one goes through in such a case, and whether I had someone close to me or some other personal experience that gave insight. The truth was that I had neither; I have had three transgender acquaintances over the years, but that was all. It just seemed to make sense that, as Amos said, this was no trivial undertaking and therefore indicative of admirable bravery. TONI WITH AN "i" You checked in just this morning You're waiting in your room alone, White gown with the ties on the back. Not much there to distract you There's nobody that you can phone They'd only try to stop you But it's too late – there is no turning back. Remember the confusion Just round the corner after school When little Jenny kissed you on the lips. You knew what was expected But you just stood there like a fool Unwilling bystander An actor who was handed the wrong script (chorus) But now it's almost over For after this you will not have to lie Your dreams are coming true now Tomorrow you'll be Toni with an "i" The taunts and name-calling Were followed by the beatings soon. You did your best to take them in your stride. At home no one to help you, You might as well be from the moon. You closed the world around you And silently you nursed your wounded pride. Then came the recognition Like bolt of lightning in the dark, That you were never different – just you. Inside your isolation You fanned to flames the little spark And planned your resurrection To find the happiness that you were due. (chorus) But now it's almost over For after this you will not have to lie Your dreams are coming true now Tomorrow you'll be Toni with an "i" The years of pain followed As one by one the covers fell, Yet memories cut deeper than the knife. But now you had a purpose: That one day nobody could tell The lie you had been living And earn the prize of ordinary life. So here you are now waiting, Your goal is almost within sight, A butterfly shedding its cocoon. You pass the time erasing The "Y" that was never right, And practicing your new name; The one that you'll be known by very soon. (chorus) But now it's almost over For after this you will not have to lie Your dreams are coming true now Tomorrow you'll be Toni with an "i"
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