I realize that it takes a fair chunk out of one's day to listen to a one hour radio program just to hear how your quote was used. So, for program 9, here is the script.

Program 10 gets downloaded in about an hour. Can get it via http://peachcityradio.org/programs/variety/musicaltherapy.php



PROGRAM 9.   PARTIES AND SOCIAL EVENTS: WHAT DO WE WANT FROM THEM.   Part 1

Today ----part 1 of Parties and Social Events: What Do We Want From them?

1.   Let's Have a Party—Wanda Jackson. 2:07

Wanda Jackson's 1960 hit of a song originally done by Elvis---Let's Have a Party.

In that party there didn't seem to be much conversation----but lots of shaking, drinking, eating, and letting loose.

Probably great therapy.

But let's face it, for most of us the social engagements we go to are nothing like that.   Are they?

One of my favourite forums is called Mudcat---address is Mudcat.org. It's primarily a music oriented group…..mostly folk, but also jazz and other genres.   They also have threads on non-musical topics.

So, just for the fun of it, I posted this question to some of the Mudcatters.   I asked them:

"why do we engage in social interactions via parties, dinners, etc? It's clear why we do it when we're single, since it's part of that 'finding a special person' ritual. It's also clear why we have social interactions when we're working together on a special project.

But once we're settled, mature, etc. many of us still go to parties, dinner engagements, and social get-togethers.   Why? What is it we want from them.    What kind of social interactions make the difference between a dismal one and a great one?   What conversations would interest you in a relatively unstructured social event?

The question generated quite the discussion, with about 80 posts. I'm going to summarize some of the content, and also see if I can find some songs that illustrate some of the reasons that people do or don't partake in such social events.

The first response was:

"Insight, shared views of reality, new discoveries, validation, admiration, humorous banter, lively sense of being live---all the things of live communication."

Here are one of the most intense 'party groups' ever---from St Paul/Minneapolis: The Hold Steady.

2. The Sweet Part of the City—The Hold Steady.   4:23

One of the most striking features of the poetry of Craig Finn of the Hold Steady is that desperation for 'belonging'.

One of the very interesting responses to my question was from a woman who is also a therapist---and for her social gatherings, on the one hand were an obligation that drained her----and on the other, going to events such as weddings, funerals, graduations, and other rites of passage were a way to bear witness to and support others. She writes: "I just want ande need a sense of connectedness to community……a community that I can count on and who can count on me for instrumental support and a sense of interresponsibility, but with whom I do NOT want a sense of intimacy. Belonging? Yes. Intimacy? No."

Here is one of my favourite "belonging" songs.   The narrator here doesn't really 'belong'. He recently married and has never met his wife's family-----until he and his wife have to go from Ontario to Rochester New York to attend her father's funeral.

The father is a man who totally 'belonged'.   And the role of this disconnected new husband is to attend to the father's store and let the customers know that he's gone…..while his wife, her mother, and the rest of the family share the intimacy that can only be shared by those who already have that deep connection.

Here's Tony Kosinec with Heart of a Small Business.

3. MAPL Heart of A Small Business—Tony Kosinec. 4:54

4. MAPL Woodstock—Joni Mitchell   5:33

You are listening to Musical Therapy on Peach City Radio. I'm Larry the Radio Guy, and this is Part 1 of Parties and Social Events: What Do We Want From Them?

Joni Mitchell's Woodstock is a beautiful song about how deep that feeling of 'belonging' that one gets from a group of people can be.   The Woodstock Music Festival of 1969 was listed by Rolling Stone Magazine as one of the 50 events that changed the course of Rock 'N Roll. And it wasn't so much because of the musicians who played----but it was more because of the 'coming together'…….as beautifully described by Joni Mitchell----who wasn't even there.
Now I'll play something by somebody who was there.    John Sebastian of The Lovin' Spoonful.
One of the people in my online discussion about what we like and don't like in social interactions stated that one of her pet peeves is people who insist on telling her the plot of any number of stories.
Yet this same person also stated that the more she got away from being a hermit and began to like and admire people----listening to them, and sharing with them, the more she began to understand herself better.   There is a value in just listening to other people's stories-----even if there isn't much in hearing plot summaries.
5. Stories We Could Tell---John Sebastian   3:12
While we're on the subject of people's stories…..here's one response from my query on the mudcat forum.   One woman states:
"I'm dead nosy, so I like to hear all about another person. I tend to draw people out and get them talking about their life, hopes and/or troubles. Nearly everything a person says is very interesting to me; I find human beings infinitely fascinating.

6. Everybody Has a Story—David Ackles 2:07

David Ackles----also very fascinated by people's stories, even if gets a bit judgmental.

There are others of us who have creative ways of participating and avoiding participating.
One person said: If I'm somewhere in a group of people I don't know, I tend to be quiet and observe.   And another said: I find that sitting back, loosening my cummerbund and farting is a great social interaction, especially if you wish for peace and quiet all around you.

Here is one of my favourite all-time party songs. Off Phil Ochs classic "Pleasures of the Harbour" lp from 1967.   

7. The Party—Phil Ochs    7:55

Most of the comments I've been presenting on today's program come from the mudcat.org forum----a group of people, mostly from Britain, the U.S., and Canada, who tend to share a common interest in music. One mudcatter wrote: "I usually like parties where some socializing and music occur". But then that probably of 'fitting in' again rears up, doesn't it?   Who is going to play the music. And what 'fits' and what doesn't fit.   And when you put yourself forward….and nobody acknowledges you…..that can create a lot of shame.   That was what Gracie Fields experienced in this song from 1944.

I'll follow it with a traditional Canadian children's party song.

8. I Took My Harp to a Party—Gracie Fields 2:39

9. MAPL I Am a Funny Little Dutch Girl—Ella Jenkins 1:04

You are listening to Musical Therapy on Peach City Radio, today's program being Part 1 of Parties and Social Events: What Do We Want From Them? That last song was an example of a children's party song……such party songs and games are great ways for people to make connections with each other.
I spoke earlier about the woman who posted a response to my question about "What conversations would interest you in a relatively unstructured social event" . ---and she talked about her interest and ability in drawing people out…..having this incredible fascination and curiosity about people.
But then we have the opposite personality.
One fellow said "I try my best to live as a reclusive hermit, and the wife is content enough to enjoy regular socializing with her friends, without me. But there is one family wedding later this summer she is just not going to let me avoid. I've made it clear how much I don't want to attend, and she's made it even clearer how much bloody minded sulking I'll have to contend with if I don't.

10. Having a Party By Myself—Charlene Arthur 2:31


Here's another response from a mudcatter: I have been everybody's confidante for a long time and I am heartily sick of it. I don't want to sit and listen to somebody else's woes, but it's mostly what I do.
-My guess is that this person is vulnerable to being cornered by the person singing this song.   From the first cd by a brand new Vancouver group, Pistolfish, this is called "Reach Me". And while this person may be on a genuine self-discovery quest, he's probably a drag at parties.   I'm not sure how many people he's really going to 'reach'….or whether any are going to 'reach' him.

11. MAPL Reach Me—Pistolfish 3:42

Here are a couple interesting posts:
"I felt I should mention the Fountain Pen Lady. This is a woman I know. She collects antique fountain pens. Most of her conversations concern fountain pens. Pens she's bought. Pens she didn't buy. Ink she's bout to use in her pens. Ink she didn't buy to use in her pens. Pens she would like to buy. Pens other people bough. Well you get the idea. I can't imagine being that obsessed with fountain pens, or believing that the rest of the world finds them as fascinating. But there she is.

Another person responded, saying, "I know a man like that, but with clocks. He tells everyone what the time is. It's all he can talk about, whether those he talks to are interested. There's a whole world out there he misses out on.   Then she adds that he probably "doesn't sufer with the anxiety and depression I sometimes do".

-So yes……..they may bore some people at parties, but very single and passionate interests and keep a person going.

Here's a couple examples of other interests that dominate people's conversation. One is about bowling, the other is hogs.
12. Bowlarama—Kate Campbell 4:35
13. Who's Gonna Feed Them Hogs—Tom T. Hall. 2:35

Next week, Part 2 of Parties and Social Events: What Do We Want From Them. We'll hear from more Mudcatters and songs they've suggested, plus some Penticton folks…..including some I met up with at the local Farmer's Market.

To end today's show…….sometimes conversation isn't where it's at. Often all we want to do is dance.

Here's Gary Koliger and Ron Rault---The New Old Boys, from Edmonton Alberta.

This is Larry the Radio Guy saying bye for now.

14. MAPL Let's Dance—New Old boys 3:19