You Know You're In Trouble When. . .

... Your accountant's letter of resignation is postmarked
    Zurich.

... You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car
    payment.

... The Little League puts you on waivers.

... Your suggestion box starts ticking.

... Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the
    DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.

... You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.

... You see the captain running toward the railing,
    wearing a life jacket.

... They pay your wages out of petty cash.

... You make more than you ever made, owe more
    than you ever owed, and have less than you've
    ever had.

... You tell the barber what you think about his prices
    before you get your haircut.

__ Getting there is half the fun and three-fourths of
   the vacation budget.

... The simple instructions enclosed aren't.

... A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.

... You take an assertiveness training course and
    you're afraid to tell your wife.

... You see your wife and your girlfriend having lunch
    together.

... The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.

... Your pacemaker has only a thirty-day guarantee.

... The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.

... The pest exterminator crawls under your house
    and never comes out.