Thanks all for your kind thoughts.

Reading my OP through again I feel I've made myself sound like a victim, which I'm not.
I made a concious decision each time to continue working at the relationship, when it would have been easier and probably wiser to end it on numerous occasions.

There have of course been many lovely times over the years, and it's these times that I'm mourning for.

Some days I feel a weight has been taken off my shoulders and I have a Sinead O'Connor moment (..since you've been gone I can do whatever I want...) and it feels very exciting, then there's days like today when I'm full of cold and needing comfort.

All support very welcome, thank you Andrez.