Dishes and laundry are mostly done. I've been really tired the last few days...not sure if my thyroid meds are out of whack again or I'm just tired. I fall asleep really hard and fast all over the place in the last few days.

Anyway.....the house is in decent shape and I am getting things ready to go away for a few days. My Nana has decided on permanent residency at a nursing home nearby and has asked us to do what we will with the house. So....this first visit to her home will involve a realtor coming to do an estimate on the house, the gathering of Nana's clothes so she can have her own things here and some of her possessions that she wants close by. It will be just my mom, aunt and I working on doing this. I am feeling strangely numb but I wonder if that's in preparation for helping my mom and aunt through as I know this is not easy for them at all. I think the thing to do on this visit is to get Nana's things (clothes and a few personal items she wants on hand at the nursing home) and for us to remove all valuables. The house has been empty for some time now but a neighbor goes in daily to switch lights around, pick up mail, etc so the house looks lived in. Once the real estate sign is up, I think more people will be taking notice of the house and the goings on/not going on. Because everything in the house is going to be divided between my mom and aunt, I hope they will do a walk through, make some lists and go from there. I think there are only a few items they will fuss over and honestly, either way, the items will stay in the family and that's the important part. Nana recently told me to also make a list of anything I'd like and if it's not on the lists that the other two make, then I can have whatever. I've been thinking and thinking about what I might be a good remembrance for me. For example, my other grandmother left her entire estate behind for me but of all the fine china, antiques, jewelry, etc...the things I like the most are a music box that you play by cranking the handle...it was a wedding gift her parents brought to this country from Wales in the 1800s with the wedding card still attached....lovely calligraphy in tact and a set of old metal teaspoons. I used to crank the music box when I was a child and it played so beautifully and it would echo through her house. And the measuring spoons? My nana taught me how to bake....she always had me measuring. Anyway....my nana that is still here...she lived far away and so we didn't make memories like that. Some of my most favorite memories are of playing cards with her...we still play cards at the nursing home. So.....I have asked for a quilt that is on my grandfather's bed that was made by my great, great aunt. I have also asked for my grandfather's desk for Jeremiah. I don't know...I hate the whole idea of asking for things but in some strange way, I think it gives my Nana comfort to know that she has something that I love and she can share. She made it very clear that her organ and music are to be mine. We have a history with the organ starting way back including the both of us playing it, her playing it with my Fresh Air Fund children sitting on both sides of her singing their little hearts out as she played and there were times where I'd play my violin while she played the organ. We had some good times doing that. :)

Maybe all this sleep I am doing is helping me to deal with the stress of the upcoming trip. I am worried about my mom who I think is already grieving, although Nana seems to be doing quite well. Nana made the decision to stay at the nursing home, no one talked to her about it or tried to coerce her. She told me she feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders and I am happy for her. She is well cared for and is nearby so we can see her often. My mom sees her almost daily and always takes her fresh fruit, a drink and whatever else Nana asks her for. She has a phone and calls my mom every morning with her request....lately she is on a popsicle kick. I love that we can do those things for her as we see many who have no visitors or nearby family.

So.....that's where I'm at. Not much progress being made at the house...or not as much as I had hoped for by now. Given the situation with my Nana and needing to get her house packed up, we have reset our initial home study until the end of the summer.

Susan correctly once pointed out that I come from a line of very strong women....I'm thinking that now, it is my turn to be the strong one.

Michelle