With the deepest respect Jim, I think you have missed the point, probably my fault. You say you have 'never encountered such attitudes' well I'm afraid that now you have re-the post above, and so have I down in Dorset. Now I am quite prepared to accept there is not a word of truth in what was said above and to me. What I was trying to say is... which is more important, being right, or re-opening a dialogue with the family. You are not going to get both.
I have spent over three decades with the Travelling community, and I have learned that you either understand them or you don't. There are times when you 'tell it as it is' and times when you try and draw a line and move on to a different relationship with a new set of rules, which they will give to you, or not depending on the degree of trust.
Please don't take all this the wrong way, it's not about right and wrong in my opinion but the greater picture, which could be very rewarding. However I don't think we will hear from our 'guest' again.