Here's another collaborative Mudcat thread song from way back when: Initial verse and chorus by Charlie Ipcar © 1982 Traditional Tune: Lightning Express No Hairballs in Heaven Chorus: There'll be no hairballs in Heaven, No weariness sorrow or pain, No claws that are bleeding and broken, No nights left out in the rain. We'll be in that beautiful jungle, With birdies to chase through the leaves, And mice will be there in abundance, We'll snatch them whenever we please; There'll be no Pit Bulls in Heaven, No German Shepherds, nor Chows, And all will be tuna and salmon, And cream drawn fresh from the cow.(CHO) We'll sleep on the softest of pillows, With Catnip to colour our dreams, And no one will dare to awake us, Until we have hatched all our schemes There'll be no thrown boots in Heaven, When up on the rooftops we sing And the door we go out, when it opens Will always lead out into Spring. (MMario) The toys will always be fun ones That scurry and scamper and hide, With fur we can sink all our claws in, And good things to eat inside. When we sharpen our claws on the sofa, Nobody cares if we shred and tear, And when WE want to get some attention A broad lap will always be there. (Lin in KS) The elm trees grow tall up in Heaven Just right for a hunter to lie Stretched out on a branch with his eyes shut In that home between green grass and sky With the smells of the earth in his nostrils And the feel of the bark 'neath his feet, And the screams and the shrieks of the songbirds In his ears, making music so sweet. (Lin in KS) The ladies all will be willing, The toms will all be debonair, The kittens will stay safe with Mother Until they no longer need care. There'll be no needles in Heaven, No dogs, no fear, no cars-- Just plenty of catnaps and grooming And singalongs under the stars. (Lin in KS) We'll never get bumped off the pillows Where cat hair galore we can shed Big Mama will never roll over Disturbing our nest by her head (Mag) She'll let us go out at All Hallow's (She's nervous because we're all black) We'll cruise with the kids scamming candy And collect little mice in our sack (Mag) She'll put back the cat door she took out Disgusted with what we brought home Our friends will drop through to visit Even if we're out on a roam.(Mag) Though no cat can make it to Heaven Till all of her nine lives are done, When you've used your sixth or seventh, Your Cat Heaven dreams have begun. There we chase butterflies through the cloud fields, And claw the celestial walls, For cats always seek out the highest perch, And Heaven's the loftiest of all! (Genie) Charlie Ipcar
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