Good news, Jack Campin! You, my good sir, have apparently just won the prestigious Twat Of The Year Award that will be announced in the upcoming issue of GQ Magazine, simply on the strength of having started this thread. And you're among the last 10 finalists competing for the Bloody Old Git Award as well...as are several other posters on this forum, funnily enough.
You lucky sod! Here's hoping you win in both categories. Myself and the lads here are drinking a toast to your good fortune as I hit "Submit Message".