Hi Mysha,

I understand about touch being uncomfortable and difficult. That's OK. It was just one idea, not required. :)

Perhaps there is a nurse or a hospital chaplain who might answer some questions. Even better might be if a Hospice trained person is available to talk with. Sometimes it helps to have someone you trust listen with you and ask questions for you if it is too hard for you to talk about it- or if you don't know what to ask!

Music might be good even sometimes when she sleeps. If you think the nurses are open to the idea, one or more might be willing to play music at certain times if you can set things up. Could you ask about this perhaps? The staff is always busy, but if you can make it easy (working equipment, but nothing valuable) they are often very happy to help if they can.

Your posts on Mudcat are always thoughtful and interesting. You might find it useful to write or draw, or any other form of reflection and expression) as you sit with your mother, even while the music is playing. No one but you has to see your writing or drawing. It is one healthy way to help yourself say what you would like to tell your mother, or memories you treasure, or what you admire or even what you don't understand about your mother's life.

Taking care of yourself: Yes, it is very hard to do this. For some people it helps to have a schedule for getting something to eat, or walking to somewhere nearby for real food (not from vending machines), or for a coffee, or slowly drinking a bottle of water outside- whatever works for you is good. Sometimes there might be a friend who will sit with your mother while you take a bathroom break. Think about what you need to feel safe and what you need to stay healthy. For me, sleep was hard to get. I found times when I could take a nap in a safe place.

That's a lot of words from a friendly stranger, Mysha, talking with you as if we were sitting on a park bench somewhere. Please choose what might work for your needs, or find other ways to manage this hard, sad time. Each person dealing with illness and grief must learn what is helpful, what is comforting, and what other people can help with. I believe you can survive this time, and I believe you can find help when you need it. You'll do your best, and it will be enough.

Gardenmaeve