The Panda Hall/Tait by Calach
(Tune: The Roads And The Miles To Dundee)

Cold Winter was howling, and the Panda was growling,
He was wandering the streets cause the pubs had all closed.
Up came a wee lassie, and said "Mr. Panda,
Would you like to come with me, your nose is all frozed?"

She was dressed like a hooker, but still quite a looker,
But the high heels and lipstick, they gave it away.
But the Panda went with her, cause his body was shivering'
And he needed some food and a warm place to stay.

They walked back together, in the cold wintry weather.
She took him upstairs to her well-used address.
She asked what he wanted, as she cuddled the Panda
And he went up to bed with his little temptress.

Although now he was warm, he couldn't perform
He needed some food, he'd not eaten all day.
She cooked him some fried rice, bamboo shoots and bean sprouts,
Some nice lemon chicken and a chocolate soufflé

From the table they rose, and he took off her clothes,
Made love all night long, till the first break of dawn.
Then he got out of bed, and he said to the lassie,
"So long to you darling, I now must be gone."

Says she, "No my honey, you owe me some money.
It's required for my living; for a prostitute I be."
"But I am a Panda, and I don't pay for loving,
We'll solve our dispute with a dictionary."

They looked at the book, for the meaning of hooker,
"A girl paid for loving, who never conceives."
Her threw her the book and she read with amazement
All it said about Pandas was "Eats shoots and leaves."