Further to "Guest Ted"'s post of (much) earlier; The version I do is similar but with an extra verse; Somehow the flowers never seem to grow In my English country garden Here are a few of the reasons that I know And the rest I trust you'll pardon Nettles in the flowerbed, bird droppings on the shed Stick to the walls and harden Oh, why must the weeds all propagate their seeds In my English country garden I had a look at an illustrated book Showing every garden creature But I've got a few too horrible to view That the author dared not feature Anaconda centipedes, Kamikaze bumble bees, Even a vampire robin It takes a gun not a spray to keep the pests at bay In my English country garden. I can't conceive that Adam and Eve Wanted Eden for their garden, I'll venture that they'd have swapped it for a flat, If the church will beg my pardon. When Adam and the serpent met Adam took him for a pet, Serpents can be domesticated yet, There's a few I can name even Adam couldn't tame In my English country garden. I will concede that I shall never be A vegetable grower So I've thought it through and this is what I'll do, And to hell with Percy Thrower Get a load of broken bricks, cover them with ready mix, Spread it and let it harden I'll cultivate a concrete estate In my English country garden.
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