Okay then!
Ted on Youtube misses out half the third verse. My recording from 2013 - or whenever - goes:

I went for a swim the other day,
up at that place called Cullercoats Bay
After I swam for and hour (or more!)
I turned round, swam for the shore.
When I got there I found, I found to my dismay
Some dirty thieving rotten hound had stolen my clothes away.
Very funny thing occurred. A very funny thing occurred.
There I stood like Adam in the garden
when I heard a voice say 'eh, I beg your pardon!'
When I turned round I found
a woman to my dismay
So with the dirty sun wrapped around my bum
So I walked away and never said a word!

Bearing in mind that Ted came from Swindon, and admitted he'd got it from the Elliotts, I wondered whether he meant the Newcastle newspaper 'Sunday Sun' which makes a tad more sense - assuming that the unfortunate woman or singer had one handy!

Another (minor) problem is both vv1 and 2 have the third last lines ending with 'in a manner most absurd' which rhymes with the last line.

Thoughts?