I can't remember where I got it from either, or even if it was England or New Zealand, but the one I learned is close to Vectis'.

The Dirge of the Disgruntled Cow.

How dreary the farm and the meadows.
The sheep-pens are gloomy and grey.
Now the one bit of fun in the years dreary run
Has by science been taken away.

I've just given birth to a heifer,
And of pride and of milk I am full,
But it's sad to relate that my lacteal state
Was not brought about by a bull.

No, I've never been naughty, I swear it!
In spite of the calf that I've borne.
By Farmer Brown's tractor, I'm virgo intacta.
I've never had a bull by the horn!

I know that the farm is a business
In which we must all pull our weight,
And I'd pull, oh I'd pull, for strongly-built bull.
It's this phony arrangement I hate.

It mustn't be thought that I'm jealous,
There are things a cow shouldn't say,
But those land-army tarts, who handle our parts,
Still get it the old-fashioned way!


I like some of the extra verses here.