I found an mp3 of the Wurzels' song on this page, along with lots of other songs. It turns out there were a couple of verses, plus a prologue line that Cyder Drinker omitted. I also reformatted to save vertical space.


THERE'S A SPIDER IN THE BATHTUB
As recorded by The Wurzels on "Golden Delicious" (1977)

I think it's proper disgusting that some people have to live like pigs!

There's a spider in the bathtub, a cockroach in the sink.
The toilet seat is broken. The chain hasn't got a link.
The dustbin's overflowing. There's rubbish on the stairs.
The state this place is getting in, it seems nobody cares.

The cutlery is dirty, the dishes all used up.
If I want a cup of tea, I use the same old cup.
To try and make things easy, I use paper plates and cups,
But when you flush them down the toilet, they block the darn thing up.

So with housing such a problem, it seems a crying shame
A man should have to suffer when he is not to blame,
But I must keep up my standards, so if things do not improve,
I may find myself obliged to move.

The curtains are all dirty. The carpet's getting bare.
My bed's no fun to sleep in. The mattress has no air.
Been sleeping on the sofa, but something's going wrong.
The way these springs keep coming through, I won't be there for long.

The larder's getting empty. The ash can's getting full.
The windows are so filthy, don't see the sun at all.
The last lightbulb is broken. No need to pay the bill,
And it won't disturb the nest of mice beneath the windowsill.

With housing such a problem, it seems a crying shame
A man should have to suffer when he is not to blame,
But I must keep up my standards, so if things do not improve,
I may find myself obliged to move.

The garden is a jungle of nettles and of weeds.
A few hours would take care of it. That's really all it needs,
But no-one seems to give a damn. No-one gives a cuss.
The grass is high enough to hide a double decker bus.

The front door's off its hinges. The tiles are off the roof.
That the place is falling down is getting near the truth.
How can people be so thoughtless to let this state exist?
I think I'll have to put my name down on the housing list.

With housing such a problem, it seems a crying shame
A man should have to suffer when he is not to blame,
But, I must keep up my standards!