YOU NEVER GET NOWHERE HOLDING HANDS
Words and music by Howard Johnson, Maurice Sturm and Walter C. Ness, ©1927
As recorded by The Seven Little Polar Bears*

CHORUS: Oh, you never get nowhere, never get nowhere holding hands.
You never get nowhere, never get nowhere with your plans.
What good is pressing fingertips?
I'd rather press two ruby lips.
You never get nowhere, never get nowhere holding hands.

VERSE: Now, holding hands used to be
Quite a nice novelty,
But now it makes me sick.
It hasn't any kick.
At a dance you can see
Every she and every he
They're holding hands till dawn
Until the thrill is gone.

CHORUS: Oh, you never get nowhere, never get nowhere holding hands.
You never get nowhere, never get nowhere with your plans.
Now today you squeeze a girlie's mitt,
It's callused 'cause she's used to it.
You never get nowhere, never get nowhere holding hands.


* Said to be a pseudonym for Harry Reser's Orchestra with Tommy Stacks, vocalist.

A recording by The Six Jumping Jacks (another Harry Reser pseudonym?) uses this couplet in the second chorus:

Oh, I tried it on a sweet young thing
And then I felt her wedding ring.

The Happiness Boys (Billy Jones and Ernest Hare) are said to have recorded this, but I have not found a recording.