When a female wears shorts, two things matter. How much of herself she is exposing and the texture of her skin. It is not courteous or even safe to walk around in indecent shorts. And when the skin goes from childlike smoothness to a texture like large-curd cottage cheese, it's time to give up shorts.

Tennis dresses: I used to work in a fabric store. I had a rule that a woman who showed up in a tennis dress got the minimum of service. I would help her get what she asked for, but that was all.