I was in the grocery store this afternoon picking up my usual Saturday supplies of fireworks and porn when I somehow happened to be in the produce isle. And it was an isle of sorts. Just a little island in a discount food store in the middle of a bland Canadian winter town where the smell of tropical fruits sends you off to shores far from icy snowbanks and wind. There I was, happy to be alive in a century where, for free, one could stand for moments in a fresh garden of fruits and veggies from far off lands. In the middle of my oasis was a display of bottles and spray bottles and I hunkered in for a closer look. What else you gonna do while you're just standing there breathing anyway? Well, to get to the point of my story, there were these bottle and squeezies all piled up high, and they were called TIPS. What they were, ya see, were containers of specially designed, state-o-the-art fruit cleansers, to wash yer fruit and veggies in so you don't inhale any of that dreaded poison laquered on there by farmers so the worms and such don't spoil yer food. I had a look on the back, as I happen to do with such things when standing in the fresh produce section breathing and such and saw that this miracle product was comprised of water and a pinch of baking soda of some sort. I was sort of dumbfounded that not only would someone ruin my isle by plunking this stuff down here for a price, but that I took the time to investigate. Somehow I wasn't so pleased to be born into such a beautiful time after all, tropical Canadian paradise be damned. I bought my fireworks, porn and left. TIPS. that's my nomination.