Thank you for your suggestions -- I'm still stumbling through possibilities...

However, it does confirm what our group has regularly noticed, namely that individual preferences are more powerful in the long run than something labelled "the right text" by a third party.
For example, I personally wouldn't choose to mention the word 'merchant' in this particular ballad as it seems too mundane IMO for the supernatural subject matter. And although I like the direction of Mick's verses, I would be sticking at 'my fair body to embrace'.
I'm inclining towards John's version and will let let it settle in my own mind (though it will probably also change a bit, even without any intention on my part).

Julia, I've just realised that the tunes that we use in most of our workshops are of the 4-line variety, so you've given me something else to ponder.

Finally, Steve, if I ever manage to cobble something that pleases me, it may well require the assistance of your 'bottles of sweet wine'!