You can hear this song at YouTube:


THE SPOONING OF THE KNIFE AND FORK
As recorded by Mr Flotsam & Mr Jetsam, 1932.

As in worlds of butlery, maids get into muddles,
Do you know that cutlery has their little fuddles?
Knives and forks, come out to play,
Get to spooning, so they say.
Here’s a little story gay
Straight from the knife box:

It was a joint affair; they both got in a stew.
He tried to cut her but he found it wouldn’t do.
He was a blade but she was on her mettle too,
At the spooning of the knife and fork.
She fell for him because he looked so sharp and strong.
He liked her curves and though his thoughts were very wrong,
Declared that she had sex appeal in every prong.
’Twas the spooning of the knife and fork.

The truth about the matter
Was published by the platter;
Then everybody knew it
And the condiments assembled for a gossip in the cruet.

I feel the rest is rather gloomy to relate.
They scraped acquaintance up but had to separate
With just a cuddle on the pattern of the plate
At the spooning of the knife and fork.

Just as Fred and Mabel spoon, being human lovers,
So can any tablespoon cuddle under covers;
So he asked a lady fork:
Did she meet him for a talk,
And perhaps a little walk,
All round the knife box?

The carving knife was cutting in and got on edge.
He never thought his son would skid among the veg,
But stainless steel and electroplate can make a pledge,
Hence the spooning of the knife and fork.
A pickle jar informed the lid upon the jam,
Who told the mustard pot adjacent to the ham
Infatuation for a handsome monogram
Called the spooning of the knife and fork.

And very soon the ladle
Was hinting at a cradle.
A napkin listened coyly,
And the table simply hurried off and told it to the doily.

But woe betide! here comes the family to sup,
And when they’ve emptied every plate and every cup,
To be continued in a beastly washing-up
Is the spooning of the knife and fork.