If we only had old Ireland with us now,
The Firbolgs and Melitians would make a row.
The warlike Celts would slaughter
Every father, son and daughter
the DeDannon tribe could surely show us how.

Saint Paddy would bring the wrath of Rome to bear
On unsuspecting spalpeens who’d declare
“They wouldn’t be so frisky,
With a glass of Irish whiskey
They’d lay about enjoying a peaceful aire.”

If we only had old Ireland with us now,
We’d have every one behind a farmer’s plough.
To replace the U.S.A.
We’d form the I.R.A.
And only flashing pikes we would allow

If we only had old Ireland of course
We’d have more cops than ever on the force.
The Washers would be Women
With The politicians skimmin'
And we’d outlaw every vestige of divorce

So let’s here it for good old Innisfael
Let’s put all the Proddies into jail
For none of us are fans
Of the notorious Black and Tans
Let’s go back in time where violence can prevail