UP WENT MY LITTLE UMBRELLA

I took the missus and her sister on a spree.
We went away to spend a week or two beside the sea.
Out on the beach when the weather was fine,
Sat there looking at the people in the brine.
Right in front was a fine young girl.
The missus said to me: "Now, Pat,
Put your umberella up before your eyes,
'Cause you mustn't look at things like that!"
  So I put my umberella up in front of me
And I hid myself behind it, 'hind it.
Right in front was a fine fat cook,
Bobbing up and down, so I had to have a look.
The wife I found kept turning around
To talk to her sister Bella,
And every time that she turned her head away,
Up went my little umberella.

I joined the army and away I went, you know.
They put me on an aeroplane so off I had to go.
Up in the air was the place for me.
All I had to do was find the enemy.
So off I went at fifty miles an hour.
I soon found the enemy's camp,
But when they started firing, well upon my word,
It's a lucky thing I had my gamp.
  So I put my umberella up in front of me,
And I hid myself behind it, 'hind it.
There was I in the shot and shell,
A dozen little bullets sticking in my derby kell.
The steering gear got a shot down here,
And they shot off my propeller,
And the cannon gave a punch in the place I keep my lunch,
So up went my little umberella.

Once in the country, well, some friends I went to see,
Fell into a pond and wetted all my toggery.
I took them off but I don't know why,
Left them hanging on some trees to let them dry.
I stood there with very little on,
But a funny little straw hard hat,
But when a group of saucy little girls came by,
Well, couldn't stand a thing like that.
  So I put my umberella up in front of me,
And I hid myself behind it, 'hind it.
They all stared as they passed me by,
Standing there with nothing on, they made me feel a guy.
I went quite red when they turned and said:
"I'm shocked at you, young fella,"
But they ran one and all when the rain began to fall,
'Cause up went my little umberella.