THE MAYOR OF PARABURDOO
(J.Wain/R.Montgomery)

I would have to blame the missus
For the reason I got caught
'Cos we wintered up in England
Through a raffle she had bought
We had seen most of the places
And were ready to shoot through
But I was tonguing for a tinnier
Like we have in Paraburdoo

So I'm standing in a London pub
When this joke stands by me
And I can tell by his expression
That he'd like some company
When ya drinking in strange places
Ya sometimes shoot a line or two
So I hits him with a beauty
'I'm the mayor of Paraburdoo'

He sounded posh and proper
When he said, 'By jove, that's nice'
So I thinks, the mug's a pommy
Won't know wheat from bloody rice
I'll dish him up some bull-o
He wouldn't have a bloody clue
'I'm a cocky and my station's
On the plains of Paraburdoo'

I thought that that would rock him
But he asked me, 'Stock or sheep?'
'Naw, I'm keeping bloody goannas
And we milk them once a week
Ya must have heard of goanna oil
And about the good they do
Keeping white ants out of jumbo jets
That land in Paraburdoo'

No, he said, he hadn't heard it
As he handed me a drink
So I tells him, 'Not to worry
It was scarcer than you think
Soon we'll start the season shearing
I've forty thousand jack-a-roo
Grazing out upon the alpine slopes
Just above from Paraburdoo'

'Forty thousand, why that's amazing
But I find it hard to guess
Will you use the wide combs and cutters
With a cradle and a press?'
'Naw, shearing jack-o's them are different
For their legs are only two
Which makes the crutching harder
In the sheds at Parabadoo'

Then I thought I'd better lay off
Try and think of some grand thing
To praise this flamin' ice-block
They call the Mother Land
I says, 'Ya beer is bloody lousy
For you get a bonza brew
Drinking H.I. Export Lager
When it's made in Paraburdoo'

'Oh', he said, 'I'm not a pommy
And I hope I've not misled
But I come from bally Melbourne
Where the woolly bunyip's bred
Like you, I'm just a farmer
Growing something I find nice
Easter eggs on my selection
Down south from Mount Tom Price

Words: S.J. (Jack) Wain, Paraburdoo, WA. Tune: Roger Montgomery.

--Stewie.