THose who know Si Kahn's song "What You Do With What You've Got" will recognise this as a parody. Though I love Si's original, and all he has done for music. Nice fella, too.

The song was inspired by my own vanishing follicles, and by a one-liner from great Brisbane singer and wit, John Thompson, to whom I dedicate this song.

There are references to a couple of famous Aussie cricketers [ who promoted hair transplants] which will mean nothing to some.


NOT THE HAIR YOU’RE BORN WITH

You must know someone like him, pot-bellied, stunted, mean,
Body like a walrus, mind not sharp nor keen
Sideburns like 2 feral hedges, twisted, messy, mad
When he resorts to combovers, and it all gets very sad .

It's not the hair you're born with, it's when you loose your hair
It's not how much grows on your face, if your scalp is mostly bare
Not the hair transplants you dream of, that you just can’t afford
It's how closely you can shave it so the bald spot goes ignored

In all those youthful happy snaps, you looked virile, cool, hirsute
Wearing paisley shirts, purple flares and platform heels to boot
But what use are trendy threads now, it’s hair that maketh man
So you splash on sexy aftershave, as much as you can stand

For what's the use of Brylcreem , what’s there left to save ?
What good’s the finest hair oil, if there’s nothing left to shave ,
What good’s Advanced Hair Studios, Greg Matthews and Shane Warne
May well have got all their hair back, but yours is too far gone

What’s the use of a few long strands combed from left to right
If a blotchy, purpling, pimpled pate is all that they highlight
I suppose there’s always toupees, but you’d look like Elton John
Accept you’re challenged follically, shave off what’s left, move on

Cos it’s not how many products you smear upon the dome
It’s more about what you remove with a Number 2 haircomb
What’s sprouting from your ears and nose is most of what remains
It’s not the hair you’re born with, it’s how much you retain