A Thumb in the Dike.

I'm like the little kid in Holland who put his thumb in the dike to stop a leak, saving his town from a flood. Getting old is an experience much like that little Dutch kid had, except you'd need a dozen thumbs. This last year I've had two bouts of Vertigo and several smaller spells of feeling light headed for a week or two. "You're just getting old," this smarmy, irritating voice whispers in my ear. "Speak for yourself," I answer. "Don't hand me that remote!" I can get up and change channels. It's not that I don't realize I'm getting old. It's that I won't quietly accept it.

A couple of weeks ago I bearded the lion (that sounds dangerous... how can you put a beard on a full-grown lion?) and faced down the elliptical at Planet Fitness. "You're not so tough!" I snarled at the machine, smuggly sitting in a corner, unused. The first time I got on it, I was gasping for breath and holding on for dear life by the time I'd made two minutes." "Stop grinning like an idiot," I said to the machine. I was like Gregory Peck breaking the unbreakable horse in The Big Country. Every time I get thrown off, I quietly get back on.

Life is not a Cinemascope movie. I temper my determination by monitoring my heart rate. I'm not supposed to let it go above 120. For the last two weeks, I've been getting on the elliptical and stopping when I reach the point I'm gasping for air. I am not at all embarrassed at how weak I am. I am working my way up, 30 seconds more each time. The next time I go I'll be able to do five minutes. Give me two or three weeks, and I'll me up to ten minutes, and that sniveling little elliptical will be cowering in the corner.

Next on my agenda is a calf devouring contraption. If I want to get control of my balance, I have to strengthen my calf muscles. Yesterday, I taught the machine a lesson in humility. It is speaking much more respectfully to me already, and my balance and calf strength is noticeable improving. I can tell. My calf muscles sing to me during the night.

Now I notice that my biceps are wimping out on me. No problem. I'll use the bicep machine and weights to shut them up.

Welcome to getting old.   As Rosanne Rosannedanna would say. "It's always something." What should I expect? I'll be 86 in a couple of weeks. I expect exactly what I am experiencing. I still have thumbs I haven't even used. I will not get old without a fight.

Bring it on!