I have never been good at running and, in my last sports day at junior school, I was put into the obstacle race along with the other no-hopers. One obstacle was a tarpaulin stretched out and pegged down for the whole race to wriggle under. I arrived at it pretty much in last place but emerged first. By the final part, the sack race stage, I was still ahead and that race became deadly serious - as important as any gold medal won by Usain Bolt. I remember vividly being cheered across the line in first place by the school caretaker.

My elation didn't last long. When I went up to collect my prize (an Airfix kit of a model aeroplane), the Headmaster turned to one of the teachers and said in an incredulous voice "What, him?"

Life can be cruel!

DC