The song is called "If I were not a Camp Counselor"
Lyrics
you can substitute "scout leader" or whatever you want for camp counselor.
I remember several Jamborees where this was done as a skit.
If I were not a camp counselor I will tell you what I would be. If I were not a camp counselor _____________ I would be… _________, __________, _______
(Keep repeating during the round)
Each Counselor will say it three times a round
EX:
If I were not a camp counselor I will tell you what I would be. If I were not a camp counselor a bus driver I would be, swerve, swerve, skid I think I hit a kid. Swerve, swerve skid I think I hit a kid
(Next counselor)
If I were not a camp counselor I will tell you what I would be If I were not a camp counselor a Farmer I would be, give Bessie give the babies gotta to live, give Bessie give the babies got to live!
(Next counselor)
If I were not a camp counselor I will tell you what I would be. If I were not a camp counselor a lifeguard I would be mouth to mouth resuscitate the only way to get a date, mouth to mouth resuscitate the only way to get a date
(Next counselor)
If I were not a camp counselor I will tell you what I would be. If I were not a camp counselor a lumberjack I would be, chop the tree chop the tree I hate ecology, chop the tree chop the tree I hate ecology
(Next counselor)
If I were not a camp counselor I will tell you what I would be. If I were not a camp counselor a quarterback I would be we’re good we’re great 2+2 is 8 we’re good we’re great 2+2 is 8
If I were not a camp counselor there’s something I would be if I were not a camp counselor a post I would be post…post… post
Other Ideas:
A bird watcher I would be
Hark a lark, flying through the park, SPLAT!
A plumber I would be
Plunge it, flush it, look out below!
A mermaid I would be
Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop!
A carpenter I would be
Two by four, nail it to the floor!
A secretary I would be
z-z-z-z get the point, z-z-z-z get the point?
A teacher I would be
Sit down, shut up, throw away your gum!
An airline attendant I would be
Coffee, tea, or me, sir; here’s your little bag, BLEH!
A typist I would be
Ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ZING!
A hippie I would be
Love and peace, my hair is full of grease!
[or]
Hey Man! Cool Man! Far out! Wow!
A farmer I would be
Here’s a cow, there’s a cow, and here’s another yuck!
[or]
Come on Betsy give… the baby’s gotta live
A laundry worker I would be
Starchy here, starchy there, starchy in your underwear!
A cashier I would be
Twenty nine, forty nine, here is your change, sir!
A gym teacher I would be
We must, we must, improve the bust!
A medic I would be
Turn around, drop your pants, jab, jab, jab!
A doctor I would be
Take a pill; pay my bill! I’m going golfing!
[or]
Bend Over, Drop Your Pants, This won’t hurt a bit.
[or]
Needle! Thread! Stick ’em in the head!
An electrician I would be
Positive, negative bbzzzzt zap
[or]
Check the bulb, flip the switch. z-z-z-z-z-z-z-zt
A fireman I would be
Jump lady, jump… whoaa splat!
A cook I would be
Mix it, bake it; heartburn-BURP!
A ice cream maker I would be
Tutti-frutti, tutti-fruitti, nice ice cream!
A politician I would be
Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on election day!
A butcher I would be
Chop it up, grind it up, make a little patty!
A garbage collector I would be
Lift it, dump it, pick out the good stuff
[or]
Pile that garbage. Pile that garbage. Pile it to the sky.
A [Domino’s] pizza maker I would be
30 minute, fast delivery!
A clam digger I would be
Dig one here, dig one there-Oh my frozen derriere!
Superman I would be
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, where is Lois Lane?
Lois Lane I would be
Get away, get away, get away, Clark Kent!
A cyclist I would be
peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle; ring, ring, ring!
A truck driver I would be
Here’s a curve, there’s a curve. HERE’S A BETTER CURVE!
[Makes outline of shapely woman.]
A house cleaner I would be
Ooh, a bug; squish it in the rug!
A baby I would be
Mama, Dada, I wuv you!
A Preacher I would be
Well, well, you never can tell; you might go to heaven, or you might go to …
.A DJ I would Be,
Miles of smiles on the radio dial.
A Stewardess I would be,
Here’s your coffee, here’s your tea. hear’s your paper bag, urrrp
A Baker I would be,
Donuts! Eclairs! Buy My Buns!
A Lifeguard I would be,
Save yourself, Man. I’m working on my tan!
[or]
Mouth to Mouth Resuscitate, What a way to get a date.
[or]
Here’s my oil! Here’s my can! Watch out ladies, I’m your man!
A Lawer I would be,
Honest. I swear, My client wasn’t there
An Undertaker I would be,
6 x 4, nail them to the floor.
An Engineer, I would be,
Push the button, push the button, kick the darn machine.
A Ranger I would be,
Get eaten by a bear, see if I care.
A Jockey I would be,
Grab the bridle, grab the bit, watch out for that pile of…
A Dog I would be,
Oh golly, oh gee, I gotta find a tree.
A Boxer I would be,
Hit him with a left, hit him with a right, knock out his jaw.
A Nosepicker I would be,
stick it, pick it, wipe it on the wall
A Jester I would be,
Please laugh, don’t cry, I don’t wanta die.
A Knight I would be,
bang, clink, clang, how am I supposed to fight in this thang
A Dolly I would be,
Mommy, Daddy, I love you. (blows a kiss)
A Policeman I would Be,
Here’s a Crime…There’s a Crime…Here’s a dounut shop.
A Cereal Killer I would Be,
Cheerios, Lucky Charms, Wheaties your Next.
A Girl Scout I would be,
Hey mister, wanna buy a cookie?
A Camper I would be,
I’m tired, I’m hungry, when’s it time to eat?
A Lawyer I would be,
Honest, I swear, he wasn’t even there.
A pyro, I would be,
Strike the match, light the fire. Burn! baby, Burn!
A Camp Director would be,
Do this, do that, I’m gonna take a nap.
[or]
Big belly, no hair, my campers are everywhere!
****great for first day of camp fun,
But you can also do it at as a camp
If i were not a camper, i will tell you want i would be if i wre not a camp: a______________
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