As perpetrated premiered on the Singaround last Monday:

Shelf Raiders in the Store

Tune: Ghost Riders in the Sky

'Twas graveyard shift in Sainsbury's one dark and stormy night
The weary staff were busy stacking shelves with all their might
When all at once I heard a scream, and when I turned I saw
A crowd of ghostly pensioners .... into the shop did pour:

Flippin'-L A
Flippin'-L O
Shelf raiders in the store.

Their walking frames were made of rusting steel and peeling chrome
Their trolley wheels did ceaselessly assert their right to roam
But they pressed grimly onward, their faces hard and mean
As they passed toilet paper shelves .... those shelves were all stripped clean:

Flippin'-L A
Flippin'-L O
Shelf raiders in the store.

I found that I had panicked, grabbing ev'ry tin I could
A wrinkled hand pressed down on mine, their chief before me stood
His face was oddly youthful, but wizened by despair
With pity in his voice he said .... Young man do not go there ---

Once you start panic-buying you will share our gruesome fate
The only food we eat is six months past its use-by date
So don't break mouldy bread with us, or with us you will be
Condemned to hunting toilet rolls .... for all eternity:

Flippin'-L A
Flippin'-L O
Shelf raiders in the store (once more for luck) ---

Flippin'-L A
Flippin'-L O
Shelf raiders in the store.

This parody Copyright © Martin J Carter 2022