Midsummer, a hundred-plus degrees inland. Newspapers run articles telling everyone to come to the coast. Time for a tourist-discouraging song.
MOTEL MENDOCINO
Words: F the Ineffable
Tune: Hotel California, the Eagles
On a dark coastal highway, dead bugs in my hair
Strong smell of roadkill, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a traffic light
My butt grew heavy and I had to poop, I had to stop for the night
Innkeeper in the doorway, though the smell made me gag
And I was thinking to myself, “This could be Mendo or it could be Fort Bragg…”
Then he picked up a flashlight and he showed me the way
I heard voices from a water tower and I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Motel Mendocino
Such a funky place (such a funky place)
Such a grungy space
There’s plenty of room at the Motel Mendocino
Any time of year (any time of year)
Book it online here
His mind is whacked on gummies
He’s got THC-CBD blends
He’s got a lot of rich, rich tourists that he calls friends
Now they walk by Big River, despite the tsunami threat
Some walk to get exercise, some walk to get wet
Welcome to the Motel Mendocino
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They’re livin' it up at the Motel Mendocino
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
What a pair of thighs
Spiders on the ceiling, water with no ice
We are all prisoners here, we took our own bad advice
And in the motel dining room we gather for the feast
We fight the bug with mask and vax but we just can't kill the beast
Welcome to the Motel Mendocino
Such a funky place (such a funky place)
Such a grungy space
There’s plenty of room at the Motel Mendocino
Any time of year (any time of year)
Book it online here
Last thing I remember, I was was running for my car
I had to book a cruise ship to the Seychelles or Zanzibar
“Forget it," said the innkeeper, ”wiping his nose on his sleeve,
“You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. “
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