here's our favourite Pope Song, posted by Gerry on the older thread


The Pope Song
Martin Pearson
(To the tune of I Will Survive)

Once I was the Pope I was sanctified
Kept thinking I could never live without God by my side
But I spent oh so many nights just thinking how I'd get along
And I grew strong, and I knew Nietzsche had been wrong

So now He's back. God is not dead
I just woke up to find this big old Jewish voice inside my head
I said why had you forsaken us? Was it some kind of test?
He said today's the eighth day and I've had a lovely rest

So join my church, do as I say
With the Catholics you can break a dozen sins in half a day
There's masturbation, contraception, which will help the Church with breeding
Sloth and lust and greed and anger and of course the big one, speeding

Once the Church was strong categorically
We made our home in Rome when no one bothered Italy
Now I spend my precious time making laws for you to keep
Don't forget I'm the shepherd, you're supposed to be the sheep

And now you're back, just when you please
It's such a casual communion you think wafers grow on trees
I should have made you take a vow, I should have made you sign a form
With my laws on contraception it was me who got you born

So now just go, get off my faith
Just turn around now, you're not welcome any place
I tried to teach you God's new laws, tried to teach you them with zeal
It might have been much quicker to train the Papal seal

And now I'm back from being shot
I look as lively as I've ever done which doesn't say a lot
But I showed those doubting Thomases who thought I could be hurt
I'm the world's best male role model in a full-length satin skirt

But I'm still back to steal the show
I'm not the pooped out little Pontiff that your granny used to know
I can kiss the dirt all over 'cause my touring roster's full
I can make a saint a fortnight, I can talk the Papal Bull

I am a rock, I will survive
As long as I can hum a hymn I know I'm still alive
I may not be the best Pope but at least I'm not the worst
And I know that in comparison to Pope John Paul the First

I will survive.