Meanwhile, back at the thread title, one I've just heard in the family:

A cat dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. "Hello," says St Peter. "Why should I let you in?"

"I've been an alley cat all my life," says the cat, "never knowing where the next meal's coming from, and having nowhere comfortable to lay my head."

"OK, you're in," says St Peter, who has a soft spot for animals. "Would you like anything here?"

"A soft cushion to rest on, please," he says. "I've always wanted one of those." And it was so.

A couple of days later, along come some mice. "Why should I let you in?" says St Peter, kindly.

"We're poor mice," they say, "and we've spent all our lives running from cats and dodging mouse-traps."

"OK, you're in. Would you like anything?"

"Ooh, thank you," they say. "We've always wanted roller skates, so we could escape from the cats." And it was so.

A few weeks later, St Peter goes on a tour of inspection, and sees the cat on his cushion. "Hello, there. How are things going?"

"Wonderful," says the cat. "This cushion is really soft, and those meals-on-wheels you keep sending are delicious."