Since retiring from gainful employment in 1999, I have been what some would derisively call a "social justice warrior." I think that's something like a Communist, but I'm not sure. Whatever the case, I have been deeply involved for almost 25 years in organizations that always seem to need money. Since I built a reputation as a "wordmonger" in my previous gainful employment as a government investigator, people seem to like to ask me if I could "just write a grant" for them for this or that. Unfortunately, I have been quite successful at writing grants, and have cajoled benefactors into granting maybe a couple hundreds of thousands of bucks to worthy nonprofits.

But I hate writing grants. It's worse than writing term papers was in college. So, I was overjoyed a couple years ago when our primary benefactor reorganized and stopped giving grants. But that was only for a year. The parent organization started doing grants a year later. I agreed to do the final edit last year, as long as the client organization wrote the draft of the grant. And we got $25,000, more than we'd ever gotten before.

And now the next year's grant is due Dec 1, and the employee charged with grant writing has writer's block, and my friend the Executive Director decided to take it over. So he's doing the best he can, and then he's depending to have Joe "put lipstick on it" and get money out of the grant.

I can't write grants without complaining. It is my opinion that grant administrators must be sadomasochistic. The most horrible word in the Grant Vocabulary is "outcomes." I'm not really sure what the word means this year, but I know for damn sure that I hate it. I was talking grants with a nun a few years ago, and I screamed the word OUTCOMES. She burst into uncontrollable laughter.

She was on the grant committee, and I think there was wickedness in her laughter. But hey, I got the grant.

So, I started this thread to solicit commiseration. I know I have fellow bleeding-heart liberals out there in Mudcatland, and I'm sure many of you have horror stories about writing grants. Give me some support, people. I thought this was going to be a quiet, easy weekend - but it ain't....and the Executive Director is asking for $40,00 this year, since we were so successful last year.

-Joe-