Thompson, the low-FODMAPs diet is close to the ketogenic regimen I started in April, except that keto people avoid most fruits and all starchy veg. Both diet types are so restrictive that docs describe them as diagnostic or therapeutic — designed to identify and/or treat a particular problem within a limited span of time.

After six months of keto, I had gone down two sizes in trousers and my blood glucose level (the problem) was bang on normal, but I was low on sodium (God knows why) and short on calcium from avoiding milk. Cue the return of more carb-dense foods, starting with milk and yoghourt.

The dietician at my doctor’s office shares her profession’s obsession with cholesterol (mine is normal), so her list of foods to resume eating started with meat alternatives — in short, beans. I usually follow professional advice — why buy a dog and bark myself? — but that list went into the bin on Monday.

I’m almost back to normal today if still a bit sore below the belly button, but I’m taking a final sickie because I can, and to catch up on admin crap I couldn’t tolerate earlier in the week. Great-niece No. 1 has claimed the fancy blender I have to re-home, so I’ll deliver it to her on Sunday, when I’m going to town for a tune session. I have some expensive (if bought new) winter clothes that might fit her, so I’ll take those, too.

Gee, ain’t it fun to get old? No, don’t tell me — !