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Two Men Die From Exposure While Hunting Sasquatch in the Forest

December 29, 2024 / 4:00 PM EST / CBS News
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/2-oregon-men-died-exposure-search-sasquatch-washington-state/

        Two men were found dead Saturday in a forest in southwestern Washington, where they disappeared last week while searching for Sasquatch, authorities said. The sheriff said the pair was from Portland, Oregon.
        The bodies of the men, 37 and 59, were discovered after a three-day search through the Gifford Pinchot National Forest, according to the Skamania County Sheriff's Office. Exposure appeared to be the cause of both deaths, the sheriff said, noting the men seemed unprepared for the cold weather.
        The sheriff's office coordinated a search and rescue operation that involved the United States Coast Guard, multiple local law enforcement agencies and 60 volunteers, including canine, drone and ground search teams, to locate the missing men.


        The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who remove themselves from it in a spectacular manner.
https://darwinawards.com/

                         DARWIN AWARDS
in honour of the late Glynis McCarthy,founder of the Pacific Coast Tsunami Watchers Association, Mendocino chapter.
©30 December 2024 Holl de Grasse Tanson


We’re spending New Year’s up here in Cleone
Scrolling through .gifs of Times Square on our phone.
Let’s go watch waves, said Melinda, I’m bored.
This year we might win the Darwin Award.

Me in my flip-flops and you in your shorts,
Paying no heed to the Coast Guard reports.
We’ll film the ocean and all of its splendors,
We won’t wimp out like the other contenders.

                Darwin Awards, Darwin Awards!
                Lexi and Leaves and Honda Accords
                Prii and Teslae and electric Fords
                All revving up for the Darwin Awards.

Twice we lost out on the Darwin Award
This year our entry cannot be ignored.
All of this coastline we haven’t explored.
Where’s the best spot for the Darwin Award?

Checking out Tinder, you stray from the trail,
Yelling at Fudgie, you answer your mail.
Coast Guard is bellowing, “Get the %*&! back!”
You holler “Cool it, dude, cut me some slack.”

                Darwin Award, Darwin Awards!
                Losers win big at the Darwin Awards.
                Is there some kind of financial reward
                Comes with the ’24 Darwin Award?

Down at Big River the tsunami fans
Drive up in Civics and Volkswagen vans
Taking their selfies with supersized waves
When the tide’s out, they go pee in the caves.

                Darwin Awards, Darwin Awards!
                Lexi and Leaves and Honda Accords
                Prii and Teslae and electric Fords
                All revving up for the Darwin Awards.
        

The Judges Reply:

Thanks, lucky winners, you know what this means:
You’ve helped us empty the pool of your genes.
You won our respect and now you win First Prize,
For most self-destructive and pointless demise.